Out...In Cowtown

Ok, so I made it out of the hospital after a little bit of confusion... They couldn't decide whether to keep me, or let me go! I myself was unsure if I wanted to leave the sanctuary I have been so heavily guarded in for the past five weeks, but finally after packing up my things, I took that step... Into the outside world.

It is a strange place out there, you wouldn't think you would forget, but it becomes unfamiliar after leaving that single room hospital bed. I didn't think the outside world could be scary, I was over the fear of Leukemia, whats this new feeling that has come over me. I think it is the fact that I have to face the facts of reality now, not that I didn't before, but this time it is different. I have to face people. I know that I have so much support, but it seems very overwhelming. I don't want to be different, but I cannot help that. It will be hard cause I know that people may feel awkward around me, but I don't want them to. I may be sick but I am not really much different...I just have a cool new hair cut, that everybody will want!

I am presently in Calgary, my new city of residence for a few days for sure. I will be meeting with the doctors at the Tom Baker Cancer Center to arrange the next sessions of my treatment. It will be nice to know where I am headed and whether home will be an option soon. Although I am here, staying with family, it still does not feel...Right. It's still not home. But I know, this is one step closer in the right direction. I want to think of the holidays, but I think I am too out of place to do that. Christmas is only a day, and things have changed so much, but to be near those that I love and care for would make it easier. I know my mom is anxious to be home, it is hard on her too.

But like always, I will be fine, I just think things are building a little right now. I need to feel the positive a little more than I have the last few days. Mainly that I was getting excited about coming home, and then I was put in limbo for a while....Will I start the next session now? Go home? Go to Calgary? But now that I have been released, just one day at a time. I have to remember to tell my self that, and that to keep dreaming and keep smiling, and that it is ok to let everything go every once in a while.

If you read this please leave a comment or email me if you know my address, I am curious to see who I am sharing with! Take care of you...Justin:)