Summary...Three Months of Living

Time goes so slow in the hospital, at least I don't have a clock that stares at me across my bed in this room that I am in now, that's what I would spend a lot of time doing, staring at the clock. Something surely to make you crazy eventually. Today marks the third month of my becoming diagnosed, that fateful day in November, I still remember it perfectly, it wasn't very long ago, yet it seems so far away already.

So far I have been diagnosed with ALL, a form of Leukemia(the better kind to get I suppose). My initial state was not very good, I was a very sick kid. I was immediately put on antibiotics, and tests were done. My parents were given news, my life as I knew it had stopped dead in its tracks. Things were bad for the first few weeks, all the emotions and the sickness, I saw my body change, wither away it seemed, but eventually I was back on my feet with an appetite. The next four weeks were not very hard except for the waiting. It was made easier by the visitors I had been having, my friends that I had made through Katimavik. I actually met a girl that became more interested in me as she came to see me more and more, we kinda have something going now, even though she is working at Club Med in the Dominican Republic. I don't know why I have kept her a secret 'til now, but she was a big help in keeping me grounded in the hospital. As well as my mom who has stuck by me the whole time, at some points everyone in my family has been here, but life does not stop at home when you get sick, so life continues and we can't always be together but we can love, it's been hard on everyone. I miss home now.

December was kind of a jumbled mess at the start. Being tossed around whether or not I was going to get to go home for a week or two, if I was to stay in Montreal for more treatment, or transfer straight to Calgary to start. Eventually we were given the ok to get the heck out of Montreal, I was leary of leaving, the comfort of familiarity is easier on the mind than thinking about a new hospital, new doctors... We made it here and found the doctors just as good, and he nurses are good too. I continued my protocol through December as an out patient, and just to go into the Daycare center for the odd chemo, or LP. I was plagued with headaches though, so I spent a great deal of the month in pain, or laying on my back. Miraculously they subsided during Christmas, a few days of relief and I was able to enjoy it with my family that all came to Calgary to of course see me and my mom. It was really nice to be a family for a few days, even if it was only short.

The end of the holidays I was again not feeling really well, at the same time we received news that should have been known before Christmas that my Leukemia hadn't went into full remission meaning my chemo wasn't strong enough. I had to do more, a whole new protocol. I would start in a few days. It went fairly well, except that I was back in the hospital, the food, the uncomfortable beds, the middle of the night wake-ups, interrupted sleep, you understand. I did get a guitar for Christmas so I have been trying to teach myself. It's not going too bad, but I think I need some professional help, all I can play is Twinkle Twinkle, but I am getting 5 main chords down, just got to keep practicing. I missed two weeks of playing though; I got sick, very sick. Three Fridays ago I started that fever, ending up in ICU after almost a week and spending time there to get my lungs back so I could breath a little more normal again. During ICU I became swollen, still am, but slowly it is coming down, but my skin is stretched, I will likely look like a previously pregnant woman, stretchmarks and everything(no offense to all the mothers out there.)

So my lungs are on the mend, my body is on shrink mode, and I am learning how to walk again. It's going to take some time, but I will get back to what ever normal is again, before I get to go through it again, a longer process, the BMT. I have a list of matching donors already, so things are looking good in that direction. All I need now is my next bone marrow biopsy(next week) to tell me that I AM IN REMISSION, which I WILL BE!!!

Justin:)