Sunday, January 16, 2005

Down Doobie Doobie Down Down Comma Comma....

I don't really know whether I am addressing my blog to myself, or if I should be saying "Hey" to all of the people(it seems there are alot) that are keeping track of every word or disgusting picture that I put on my site. Don't worry, I won't post hemerroid pictures...That would be just, unbelievably disgusting!!

So, the week of chemo went better than I expected it to go. Yeah I puked the second night, and felt nauseous on a few occasions(even now a tiny bit), it was nothing like before, that first week in November was definitely was worse. But of course this is only the beginning of the phase, my counts are starting to drop. Only yesterday, my white blood count was 1.4, today they are at .6 - significant droppage... In any means, those rises and falls are commons with Cancer, on a happy note it means the chemo is doing its job: killing the bad cells, cause the good ones are going down too. The big test,however, will come when I am jabbed in the backside again for a lumbar puncture. This will tell the doctors whether my Leukemia has gone into remission, I am really sure that it will have by then, but it will be a few weeks before I can even be tested, the chemo will still work for a while.

Although, going into remission will be good news, it means the next step...Bone Marrow Transplant. Now this operation is going to be harsh! Technically it is not an operation, simply, it is a blood transfusion, run over maybe a half an hour to an hour. No big deal right? Wrong! Very serious situation. At the point of receiving the marrow, I will have no immunity, or at least very little(my marrow will already be killed off, and my body will be producing next to nothing for any kind of blood or antigen.) Even though I am no longer producing blood, the remaining blood cells will try to attack the foreign substance entering me. I will be heavily drugged with immuno-suppressants, applied to help ease the affects of my body rejecting the new marrow. GVHD, or Graft Vs. Host Disease is very common with this procedure. Many side effects can occur, but of course there are always drugs to suppress the side effects of the disease. Once the process begins, it is likely that three months will pass before I am well enough to really do anything, or even leave the hospital, if all goes well that is(there are so many bad possiblilties because this had not been perfected yet.) It takes a while for the the marrow to fuse inside my bones, and start to produce the donors blood, another fact that is really strange, I will be producing new blood, possibly a whole new type, and definitley the person's DNA.

So I will be finding more out about this wnderful BMT on Wednesday when I meet the nurses and doctors who perform these... risky things. I don't want to worry everyone, but nothing is ever for certain in this life, and that is something we need to be prepared for.

Wish you a long and healthy life, cause some of us aren't so lucky, but I am not saying that I am one of them. I am still one of the luckiest people in the world!!



At Christmas(I was Pipi, Santa's Helper) Posted by Hello


Me on the Beach(in Montreal) Posted by Hello

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Today....Day 3

Well, I didn't end up puking my guts out, but it was bad enough...That feeling is horrible, but livable. It seems that the second dose of chemo I recieve during the day, is the one likely to get to me. I may begin to get worse as the week goes on, but I am literally half done this part, which will be finished Friday night. It will be possible for me to leave the hospital if my counts are good, and stay up, for you are more likely to get sick staying in the hospital provided the place where I stay is free of sickness. The pain in my chest and neck is still present, though it has gotten better since the initial insertion...(picture below.) Hopefully soon it won't bug me so much.

Anyway, chemo starts in about 10 minutes, so see you soon!


One Huge Nipple Ring Posted by Hello

Monday, January 10, 2005

Man...What's that feeling in my neck?!

Well here I am...Back at 'er. I am situated at the Foothills Hospital, about ten minutes from downtown Calgary.... Getting chemo pumped through my veins. I successfully started my fashionably new protocol, that will (of course not guaranteed) get me back, out of this place hopefully for good, let me get on with my life, and never have to come back to a hospital.

My neck is really sore. My CV line was "plugged" into me this morning, about a 20 minute procedure. Of course I toughed it out, didn't get any of those "put-under" drugs the wimps go for. I didn't even take the freezing....Yeah right! They froze me, but the rest was easy, just the feeling of tubes being eased into the tissues, and underneath my skin. It still is throbbing, and uncomfortable to move my neck and arms in certain positions, just wait until I have to go to sleep. But eventually the pain, and throbbing will ease.

The doses of chemo I am, and will be receiving everyday this week, so far is going down good. I am pumping a bag while I type in fact. No nausea yet, but who knows, I may be puking my guts out tomorrow, you just got to take it as it comes! I am also on a stimulant that is supposed to help keep my white blood cell levels up, that way I won't crash so hard and become neutropenic again, but good things always have side effects, I may experience bone pain, because this drug stimulates the marrow, which lays inside the bone.

So, nothing really to report, except I am in so much excruciating pain, it's so unbearably unbearable...Psyche!! No, seriously, I am hurting a bit, but like all pain, it is definitely not permanent, I can already feel the tubes growing into the laying of skin. It is so gross to feel! But I am like Lance Armstrong, he had one, they needed to cut his out, I think 'cause it was totally embedded.... Shudder!!

Tonight I met a lady who is getting her Bone Marrow Transplant on Friday, she is excited, cause it will finally mean that her Leukemia is pretty much gone. It made me feel good to see that she wasn't scared, and was just thinking that this will all be over in a little while. She will have to spend up to three months in the hospital after her transplant, much of the same route that I will be following, once I reach Complete Remission, and find a match, and do my BMT, and suffer for a few months, and get better, and get cured, and go to school, and get a job, and get married, and have kids, and man there is so much left to do!!!

Sunday, January 09, 2005

A New Year...Back at 'er

Well, you haven't heard from me for a while... Just to reassure you, I haven't died. No I am far from that! I have been enjoying my time out of the hospital. Christmas went really well, and I was able to spend it with family which was really good. It went by so fast again, as it always does, but that is the holidays for yah! New Years wasn't so exciting, but I saw it in with a good feeling. My headaches were gone for Christmas, but slowly came back into the picture, though not as strong. I received another Lumbar puncture the 28th, it went well, but it's not a great experience, no matter how well it goes. This past week was supposed to be my last Lumbar for a while, as well as the commencing of my radiation treatment. As the saying goes, not everything goes as planned... I guess there was a fax sent to my doctor here from Montreal, bad news, that had been sitting in the tray since the 22nd. My doctor was away for Christmas until just this past Tuesday, and only since then have I known. My Leukemia is in fact not in full remission, it is at 40% still. I had another bone marrow biopsy done and this proved the results from Montreal.

I am to be admitted to the Foothills Hospital where I will again undergo another session of chemotherapy. So I am, for now, scrapping the idea of radiation, because it is no longer needed. I will begin a whole new protocol of treatment, since my previous one did not hit the Leukemia hard enough to wipe it out. This new regimen is called FLAG, an acronym that stands for the different drugs and stimulants that I will be given. As well, instead of a PICC line in my arm, a central venous line will be inserted in to my chest to receive the chemo and other intravenous juices. The reason for the CV line is it is a little less irritating, although I don't know about that, and that I will need one if I proceed to Bone Marrow Transplant, which is possible sometime after this chemo, if I go into full remission this time. If not I may go through another bout, no matter what the outcome. But that is enough of if...I will!!

As for my moral, it is good, of course I am not looking forward to being in the hospital, but I will make the best of it. I am still scared, this uncertainty is unnerving. The next month will be another challenge I am faced with, but what is a month...A tiny grain in the sands of time...That is a really bad metaphor, never again! So we'll see you on the other side.