Happy Birthday To Me

At about this time nineteen years ago, my Mom was in the middle labour with her first baby, me. Ten something pounds, yes it was I who mutilated her stomach, those stretch marks, and scars from the cesarean. Thanks mom for everything you have went through for me! I guess I am still her baby, she still does a lot for me.

Man, nineteen years, how does time fly so fast?! One last year as a teenager, and then twenty. It seems so old. Even though this year has seen my life being tipped upside down, or go in reverse for a while, things are still moving. One year is not a lot if you really look at it, I am sure I have spent over five years of my life eating if you add it all up.

Gas... I am not a good person to be around for the nose. My stomach has been acting up, well basically since I got out of the hospital. Could be the drugs, and the combination of me being somewhat of a pig when I eat, and/or my digestion getting back on track after the intense chemo. But do I stink. At least its not painful gas, just that kind that rumbles in your stomach until it finds it way out. But bloating is not so fun regardless if I doesn't "hurt". Something that does hurt.... Bladder pain, the kind when urinating. I did a urine sample today at the hospital, its a little concerning to me, because it hurts. The doctor will let me know if it is infection, hopefully not, but who knows, I am in good hands. Ditropan will hopefully help with the flow,and pain. But isn't that a great Birthday present? I always wanted that!

Anyway, big celebration tomorrow! Not extremely excited, but its my Birthday, so I can demand and do what ever I want...As long as it does not involve public places, dirt, dust, sawdust, mould, increased sun exposure, swimming...blah blah blah. It will be a regular day, but my Birthday as well, but they have never been a big deal to me anyways. Everyday is just another day, another crossing of the sun across that big blue sky...

Justin:)

I did get a good present yesterday, a short little note from my donor, anonymous of course, but it was something I wasn't really expecting, but great to know the person is out there. Somewhere, if only I could crack the code....hmmm

Thirty-seven Days Post

It seems to be a vanishing act with me, but really, I haven't gone anywhere. Motivation to sit here and type about my slow moving life just has been a little more difficult than it was before. It's just that my days are very limited with excitement, it doesn't seem necessary to explain. It has been twenty days since the hospital stay, and about day thirty-seven post transplant. No serious complications have come up, but I have experienced some irregular bowel symptoms which have not been the most pleasant, I think they are subsiding. But a new schedule has come about during the night, the frequency or those bathroom trips get me up three to four times a night. It would help if I didn't have to drink so much fluid with my pills, but it helps to get the excess out of my system, making it easier on my liver. The last few blood tests have shown higher levels of certain substances in my liver(naturally there, but a little higher than is necessary) so the fluid intake is important. The first hundred days after transplant are most crucial in that acute GVHD can occur, the skin, GI tract, liver, kidneys, and eyes can become damaged, or affected. Of course the drugs I am on are meant to counteract these effects. So far nothing has surfaced. Unfortunately, I do not feel completely normal(whatever that is), it is possibly the drugs, but anything is possible, you just got to hope for the best. So my situation is favorable for me right now, of course things can change very suddenly, but I will say they won't!

Strumming my guitar has a soothing quality, I'm getting a little better, but if you were to see/hear, maybe not so much. I have lessons every Friday night, so it's something to keep me somewhat occupied. But with the coming of nice weather it will be really hard to be not outside, running around, rolling around on the lawn. My skin is more sensitive to the sun now, so 30 SPF will be my closest friend, chemo and the drugs is what does it to you... Everyone should be using 30 SPF now anyway, skin Cancer is on the rise! But staying away from all those dreaded microbes and bacteria that live in the ground, tough, but I guess it will have to be do-able. I will have to fine a plastic tree, or an umbrella will work, sit on an antibacterial surface, under my fluorescent light and strum my guitar, maybe I'll be good by the time the microbes are frozen again this winter.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow, he'll check me over, and hopefully my blood test will be good, and nothing will come up. Again, I'll be back on Wednesday if they don't need me again Tuesday. I don't enjoy going to see the doctor, but at least I know that they are there for me to help me out if I get into trouble. That will be hard for when the time comes to go home, the security of the specialists being ten minutes away is not really an option. But when the time comes we will know what can be done, and by then I will be so much better, it likely will not even be anything of a concern, still it stays, take it one day, one step at a time!

Justin:)

The Sibs and Cousin, and Very Sickly Looking Kid 

New Blood Going In 

Having a fever, Giving Myself Morphine, and Sucking out the Saliva 

Back in Slow Moving Action

Inhale.... Hold it... And Breath. Ok, I am back, sorry to keep you waiting in all this anticipation to see if I would ever return. I guess I like to think no news is good news, but that can have serious repricusions on peoples nerves, just not knowing for sure. But he I am. Though I am still in a bit of a limbo state, that transplant has taken effect in my body, and is in the process of fixing me up. As far as anyone can tell right now, it's a day to day situation, but so far a week out of my hospital room has been good, with no serious problems erupting. My state, although improving everyday, is very much on the low side of things. My muscles are weak, I am usually tired, my eyes are droopy, my feet are tingly, my skin itches in places, my head feels out of it, my tongue can hardly taste, the pills, I sound like it's bad, but really thay are just the little annoyances that should get over with sometime soon.

My mind still wanders, I find that I have no path right now, besides the things that I have to do, wake up, exercise, eat, sleep. Hardly anything else is accomplished, but it's my duty for now. Slowly but surely things will work up to normal, if there is a normal after all this. Right now it seems far away.

This is a depressing entry, but I am on the slow upswing, just feeling distant and maybe a little lost from reality. I am not in a daze, and I know what is going on. But this wonderful life is confusing and mysterious and it's this waiting game that seems so drawn out.

Justin:), I won't be so long with the next post, but if I am it's just cause computers are lacking in interest right now.